My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
