i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize