That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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