Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
