Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
