He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
