Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
