i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
