dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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