worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
