Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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