I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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