I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want nice things and good sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
