Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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