There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
