your parents love me but you hate me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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