I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
