what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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