I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
