JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
