omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
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it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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