hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
