meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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