Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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