HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
