my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
