hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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