Pregnant stripper...not hot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
