Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
