we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
