I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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