Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize