i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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