Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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