he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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