i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
