in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
