Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
