The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
