i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
