What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Too much gin, very little bucket
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
