She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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