i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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