i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
