this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
