Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
