Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
