they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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