Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
