u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i permit you to call me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
