there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
