Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
