Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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