Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
